Our leaves.

Saying good bye.    A farewell.   A see you soon.   Echoes of what has been and talk of what to come.   Attachments formed, the enjoyment of people.   The pleasure of having someone around.   The highlights the eccentricities, the underlying essence, it shall all be missed.
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We are like trees.   We grow like trees, we gather ingredients, we observe, we breath.   I picked up a bright red leaf, a remenant from the autumn gone by.  Winter has been enjoyed and flown and spring is the current.   The cycle.   I started to daydream and follow the idea of leaves being a symbol for the people and experiences we have, the relationships we form.   We bud and bloom, we feed these realtationships, our leaves.   We live in company of many beautiful people.   So many branches to life.   But there is a time when change arrives.   Change, differences, the new.   Who knows where a relationship will go, the direction it shall take.   The nutrients that we feed it.   Always a gain, relationships are never worthless, infact they are often the price of life.   Life without its people and our relationships would not allow us to grow or understand.    Autumn comes, the elements can whisk leaves away, they can sit comfortably and find its colour until eventually the drop occurs.   Will the leaf fall far from your tree, eleswhere into the world to spread its nutrients, feed another.   Or will it join the soil beneath your feet to then swim in your veins to evolve and regenerate, increase the already gathered and loved qualities.

Bloom proudly and shed proudly.  We are all cycling life together.   Love your relationships, love their individual lives.   Don’t endure and don’t long because its a circuler part of our lives.   The next season is always an excited visitor.   Let the seasons hang in your branches, let yourself feel the elements and love what grows on your tree through life.

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We scrawl.

Life and us living it.     We are all living…we refer to things as ‘just life’ and we can measure a situation with the phrase ‘really living life’.   To really live…is it just an investment.   Is life really an investment?    Is there an aim?   A set aim that we all strive consciously or unconsciously to reach.   Who’s the judge?   Ourselves?   Feeling moments of ‘being in the right place’, an alignment that satisfies us deep within.    A nod of agreement to the direction we have taken.

Do we wander aimlessly or is it subconsciously.    Because where we have been always sits within us and offers us something.   Whether its the knowledge of the unnecessary, meeting the state of ‘wrong’.   This is still a gift to yourself.   I don’t want to use the word progression but it is a building of ones self.    As life is lived we meet ourselves.   We all live for each other, we all live to share.   Let your honesty seek out the world.   Let the pencils below your feet scrawl across the land.  Glance at what you have written and ponder at what you may next write.    Ask the questions, hold answers.  Let the wind carry its past encountered surfaces across your face.   Where the wind has been and where it will go.  We are the wind and we are each other.   Our ears wander life tuning into different stations.    The internal, the external, the other and the unknown.

This is a big ramble today, a feeling of connection has been filled in me recently.  A knowledge of action and consequence.   This can seem terrifying, can stop you acting in the moment but we mustn’t.  We must let our instincts back in, we must encounter life a bit more through reaction.   Hold your truth in your hand and share.

The people that I meet and the world that I see, thank you.Image

Now.

This evening.   Sat at home, under a blanket with a cup of tea to my left side.    The nightly chill is just seeping in through the wooden house which is my current humble abode.    My breathe is visibly tainting the air with its heated liquorice tea companion, my warmth is out exploring the winter cold.

This is my now.   This is the moment in which I am in now.   I understand this now, this now is simple in lifes complexities.   I am me, I am always me but not always with me.  If that makes any sense?  To have yourself for company.   To know that yourself is inside your vehicle, your body.   Sometimes our ‘nows’ wont be understood, most of the time they are not acknowledged but now is a forever existing thing.   We plan, we strive, we get there.   Do we acknowledge?   Do we need to acknowledge?   Maybe not always, not always as long as we experience.   Life is an experience, an experience with choices.

Choices are a gift, a learning time.   Sometimes a gamble, sometimes a simple concious step.   They can be overwhelming because of the concern of the outcome, the ‘right’ outcome.    But here is the other choice, the look of the outcome.   Right or wrong.   We know things, we have knowings.   We have millions of knowings that are currently unknown and this is the deliciousness of life.   The unveiling of a knowing.   The assurance of a new knowing.   We may act in the now alone and without knowing but the honest curiosity will drive.   Perhaps tomorrow, perhaps in a few years that ‘now’ back then will have perfect known meaning.   A clarity in that direction you took.

Be baffled, be lost, love your knowings and love your unknowings.    Let the now change because fundamentally you have no choice of this.  Your choice is to live all and everyone of the nows.Image

Our recipes.

I have come to think of thoughts and perspectives as recipes.   We create and write recipes through life, we tweak and add as time is worn.    The act of ‘inviting someone to dinner’ is the participation in a conversation and then you hand pick the ‘recipe’ in which you are going to ‘cook’ in this current exchange.   Some guests will get your old favourite, your trusty recipe and others will get a new creation.   And by cooking your recipes for the guests in the world you get to learn, through the sharing there is an honest exchange.  A reaction.   You will be eating at many other tables as well as playing the host and this is a delight in life.  People are forever sharing, sharing their flavors, we go through life tasting.   Some recipes will be divine and others quite disgusting, some may just feel they have come a bit to early in the day.   To sweet or to savoury.    We mustn’t stop tasting because this is how we learn…watch a baby…instinct is to taste, taste to gain information.   Be the guest and be the host.   Enjoy the snacks and the meals, and enjoy those dinner tables that en-capture you for longer.

Today I am thankful for all of those meals that have fed me along the way.   I have felt hungry at times, hungry for a good meal and it has always been offered.    Feel your hunger (perhaps your loneliness) because this is where you get creative with your ingredients.    You pull your stocks, a see what your latest recipe is.

Adventuring child.

Today so far…two cups of tea, porridge, washing and stubborn determined plans occurred.    I planned to go skiing, I wanted to go skiing.   Day off from work and I wanted to go and play in the snow but illness is looming (feels as if a creature is inhabiting itself in my chest- winter times).    I bundled a bag full of necessities and got on the road with a happy left thumb raised.   The hitching challenge began.   I got my toothy grin out and a happy jig on the go and about 15 minutes later (admittedly a few cars later) a family in a huge 4wd drives past, stops, and reverses and tells me I am welcome to hop in.   Polite conversation and a hit of family time passes and then on top of the mountain I am.

The foe of the mountain is shedding itself amongst most surfaces so a bit of gloom apprehends itself on most peoples faces.   Although the familiar ski attitude floats around, everyone wanting to try the snow, give it a chance.    I book myself in for a cheeky lesson with the hope of hitting a more grown up run today.   It happens, I am layered in layers of wonderful peoples possessions, the lending scheme is working well for me these days.   After slight chaos and slight fear and huge amounts of virgin fun I make it down the mountain whole.   Quite soggy but pleased I search for coffee and familiar faces to share in my achievement.   I got a lovely hug and few laughs as I shared in my experiencing of the ‘old hat’ to many.    Tomorrow is another day to tackle my sliding down a mountain, maybe slightly less Keren freestyle and a bit more ‘correctly’.  New things.   New things are exciting.   Take you back to being a child again, learning.   The frustrations, the constant small forward stepping achievements and the voices of doubt and determination battle it out.

The pair is there.

Crisped, sharpened air, persistent sharing sun. Winter here in Wanaka.
A walk into town with my mission legs on to get banking a food shopping achieved.    I get to the lake front and stop.   Turn to face the sun, following its gleaming evanescent path across the water and my body stills in its known actions and focuses in on the movements inside.   The vibrations that wander whisper a word of silent surrender.  Stop, and stand in the world.   Because the sun, our friend, our forever searched and hoped upon entity is looking at you.    Its laying its naked truths upon your skin and is giving that reassured open content.   Feel the shedding follow, the cold grip loosen and breathe.

This is where I was this morning, it takes the cold to appreciate the hot and the hot to appreciate the cold.   We don’t allow ourselves to feel the beauty in the pair, in the opposite.   There is always the other side, the contrast.    We strive and chase the personal preferred but preference wouldn’t exist without the other, the pair.   To appreciate both, to acknowledge both substances, receive both offerings.  We are built of pairings, the world is built of pairings.    We practice being our natural/neutral selves.    Rarely do we delve into the opposites, the contrasts within us.   We can be both, in fact we are both we just wear our dominant boots.

I’m not trying to say force the other, not saying search the other, just live, experience and always accept. This is not a teaching, it is simply a thought of my own.   I have felt opposites within me which have caused me to feel lost.   Lost at times and a stranger to myself and this is simply because I was experiencing the pairing.   The other part, the more you live the more of your whole self is offered to your self.  it can be controversial to be the ‘opposite’ to the known you.    The obvious pairings, happy and sad, bright and dark, confident and shy, subtle and obvious, brave and scared, open and closed.    Connect with these, connect with all.   Invite your daily, hourly, momentary status to tea.   You don’t have to wear all on the surface but really wear it, walk in it.    Don’t let yourself be a stranger to yourself.   We don’t know all but that’s a reason to live and be.   Lessons. Slowly yourself reveals itself to you and it is our job to receive and accept.   The new is exciting, so is the old and its even more exciting to build that map of yourself, to explore around the corners to sit in your dark and know that your light is still on because everything has a pair.

We own black and white and we own the shading, we have access to all.   Be afraid and and walk because there is beauty in all of life. ImageImage

Upwards.

Recently I have found when out, in the dark, my head so naturally lifts, it carries my eyes to where they want to be…completely fixated on the stars.    Often have I found myself trenching through the undergrowth when trying to navigate from the stars.    Luckily there is not a crazy current of cars here otherwise I may be a bit of a hazard to myself.    Something about the stars just captures people.    The child within me grins, and today I was grinning quite majestically.    I laughed more than the awkward amount, just walking home, me, the stars and the reassuring moon.    I found myself chasing the moon through the forest of trees, just to catch that glimpse of it again.    Games, unplanned, perhaps miss-behaving (not conforming to the usual walk home by yourself behaviour) but I just can’t help it.   I walk with the stars and the moon on the way home from work and to work.    Their company is tremendous.    Punched holes in the black canvas that keeps the rest mysterious, or bright points attached for perspective, or balls of energy.   They are forever there, visible or blanketed behind cloud, they twinkle (for lack of a better word) and I just wanted to share how amazed I am every time I see them.   Stand and really look at something that makes you smile because it has been the best part of my day (and the rest was marvellous, so competition was tough).

Photograph taken by my lovely housemate Kevin Deitrich.

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is worth trying.